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Palazzo Pants in Lock Down



This week I thought I'd share a little giggle with you.
This tale of Coronavirus lock down is quite frankly what many of us need right now - a little something to make us smile.

As I'm sure many of you can appreciate at the moment, my planned food shop to Marks and Spencers (fancy!), without children (woo hoo!) was one of the highlights of my week.
So delighted was I to be leaving the house, alone, I even decided to get properly dressed, and do my hair AND make up. I was going 'out-out'! Well not really, but you get the gist.

I donned my Palm Print Palazzo Pants which go perfectly with 'sunny day, but chilly in the shade'. Hell, I even wore sandals. I thought I might as well show off the previous nights home pedicure, in lucious lock down lemon.
I haven't driven in a while, so resorted back to my 'mirror, signal, manoeuvre' days. Two hands on the wheel and all.

I arrived at Marks and Spencers list in hand. Queue wasn't too bad - maybe eight people. I joined the line standing on my two metre marker. I was living the lock down dream - at a fancy supermarket in my fancy pants.
Funny things supermarket lock down queues. Never quite sure of the social etiquette if I'm honest. Do you talk? Not talk? Smile? Avoid eye contact altogether?
Anyway, the queue moved quite quickly, on this occasion in complete silence.

I got to the front of the queue and was invited, with a smile, to take a trolley by the supervisor-come doorman. I sprayed the handle and wiped it down, and stood behind the 'start' line in food shop anticipation. Little did I know...

Finally I was beckoned inside, feeling slightly smug that I was at the front of this now - 38 person deep - queue. I walked forward along the path just as one of those chilly April gusts of wind swept past me. With it, it took my Palm Print Palazzo Pants. For a split second I thought; thank god I'm wearing trousers and didn't wear a skirt revealing my 'pant-pants' to the rest of the queue. However in retrospect that may have been preferable to what did happen.

I feel at this point I should take the time to explain what Palazzo Pants are. You know - wide legs, floaty fabric, plain or printed. Scream sunshine and holidays?

I couldn't walk. I was stuck. Stuck, but also felt the sensation of someone, or something, tugging at my ankle.
That bloody gust of wind had blown my Palm Print Palazzo Pant left leg in to the wheel of my shopping trolley. And as I pushed forward, the wheel continued to gather in more material.
"Ooo blimey!" I said as I glanced over my shoulder to the rest of the queue, slightly embarrassed. I pulled my trousers up and out of the trolley wheel.

But they didn't come out. They were well and truly stuck. I was stuck to my blasted shopping trolley by the ankle.

I tugged harder at my trouser leg, now starting to become flush pink with embarrassment. But as I did so, I leaned forward on the trolley handle bar, causing the wheel to rotate another 180 degrees, holding even more of my Palm Print Palazzo Pants left leg hostage.

"Well I can't move! I don't know what to do!"

This was definitely a 'ground please open up and swallow me moment'. The whole queue was now leaning over at an angle to watch me, like something out of the Michael Jackson Smooth Criminal music video. And I was at the head of this queue, holding every one up.
A few tuts and gasps could be heard....unless that was in my head. I can't be sure now.

"Well I can't go anywhere" I announced to the queue, car park and Marks and Spencers entrance staff. And that's the problem with social distancing whilst food shopping. No one really knew what to do! Should they risk breaking the two metre rule and help me?

I tried moving forward, but my left trouser leg was now up round my knee. Which is when a slight panic came over me. I'm not one for flashing my legs in public. Well, not without a tan anyway - hence the Palm Print Palazzo Pants.
Finally - I think it was the sheer look of horror on my face that did it - the young lad/doorman/supervisor came to my aid.

"Can I help you madam?"
"Oh yes please, if you don't mind!"
I thought it best to keep to myself what I really wanted to say.

Well talk about embarrassing.
Customers coming to join the queue were now stopping by to watch.

"I don't want to rip your trousers madam"
He pulled and pulled but they just seemed stuck fast.
And then of course I got the giggles.....because what else could I do?! I was in hysterics! Literally couldn't stop myself. I was like a lump of lard slightly melted over a Marks and Spencers trolley which was shackled to my ankle - with this poor young lad desperately trying to free me.
I say free me, I think he just wanted me out of the way so he could get the queue down. It was now snaking right down the side of the car park and round the corner.

The man behind me in the queue called in to the self service till assistant for more help. She in turn nodded over to a member of staff stacking boxes of cracked black pepper crackers.
Out she came.

"Oh I'm so sorry madam. Let me help you."

So I'm now crying with laughter. Make-up tear stained cheeks looking like a couple of rashers of streaky bacon. I'd got the man behind me in the queue holding my trolley steady. The lady behind him holding me up, and two Marks and Sparks staff members now yanking at my trouser leg to set me free. Social distancing at its best.

I have no idea how long it took. I don't want to know. But I was set free to smiles, cheers and claps! Working on the front line took on a whole new meaning at Marks and Spencers that morning.

I'm not sure I'll be wearing Palazzo Pants again to the supermarket. Best to avoid all hazardous clothing in this current climate.
And it's worth mentioning the staff at Marks and Spencers were excellent. Not only for their help in setting me free, but for reimbursing me for my now scraggy hemmed Palm Print Palazzo Pants.

And if further chuckles are required this week, take a look at this week's crappy crafty collages.
Who knew my youngest son was a dead ringer for Ronald Mcdonald....

These fabulous hugs are on their way to the grandparents!!!!!







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